At first, it sounds warm. Reassuring. Maybe even comforting.
“We’re a family here.”
But scratch beneath the surface of that phrase and you’ll often find something far less heartwarming — a workplace culture that uses emotional manipulation to blur boundaries, silence dissent, and keep employees overextended and underappreciated.
Welcome to corporate gaslighting, dressed up in hugs and hashtags.
What Is Corporate Gaslighting?
Gaslighting in the workplace happens when leadership distorts reality to protect the organisation at the expense of the individual.
It’s the subtle (and sometimes not-so-subtle) manipulation that makes you second-guess your experience.
Ever been told:
- “You’re being too sensitive.”
- “That’s not what they meant.”
- “We’re a family — you shouldn’t feel this way.”
Then felt guilty or unsure, even when you knew something was off? That’s gaslighting.
When the phrase “we’re a family” is weaponised, it becomes a tool to erase boundaries, justify overwork, and discourage accountability.
“We’re a Family” vs. Healthy Work Culture
There’s nothing wrong with genuine camaraderie in the workplace. Healthy teams support each other. But the moment that support becomes expected — often without proper compensation or respect — the balance shifts.
Here’s how the “family” narrative becomes toxic:
- Unpaid overtime? “Do it for the team.”
- No boundaries? “We’re always here for each other.”
- Burnout? “Everyone’s tired — you’re not alone.”
Suddenly, it’s not about fair workloads or personal wellbeing. It’s about loyalty, sacrifice, and staying silent to avoid “letting the family down.”
Signs You’re Being Gaslit at Work
Not all toxic workplaces are obvious. Here are red flags that emotional manipulation may be at play:
- You’re praised for sacrificing personal time and shamed when you try to take it back.
- You feel guilty for taking leave, even if it’s well-earned or necessary.
- You’re discouraged from speaking up, with phrases like “We don’t do drama here.”
- Feedback is spun against you, e.g. “We’re surprised you feel this way — no one else has said anything.”
Gaslighting thrives when your gut tells you something’s wrong, but leadership convinces you it’s all in your head.
The Cost of Emotional Manipulation
When employees internalise this kind of messaging, it leads to:
- Burnout
- Anxiety
- Loss of confidence
- Resentment
- High turnover
And the irony? The very people expected to go above and beyond for the “family” are usually the first to be discarded when things get tough.
What Healthy Workplaces Actually Sound Like
Instead of guilt-laced loyalty, real leadership sounds like:
- “Your wellbeing matters — take the time you need.”
- “Boundaries are respected here.”
- “You’re valuable, even when you’re not available 24/7.”
- “Feedback is welcome — let’s talk.”
Trust and support don’t need manipulation to function.
How to Reclaim Your Power
If you suspect gaslighting is happening in your workplace:
- Document everything. Keep records of conversations, emails, and requests.
- Talk to someone outside your company. Friends, therapists, or career mentors can help validate your experience.
- Re-establish boundaries. Start small, like not replying to emails after hours.
- Consider your exit strategy. Not all environments can be fixed — and you’re allowed to walk away.
Final Thoughts: You Don’t Owe Your Job Your Soul
You’re not difficult for having boundaries. You’re not ungrateful for wanting fair treatment. And you’re definitely not “just being sensitive.”
Work is not family. It’s a contract — not a commitment ceremony.
Healthy work relationships are built on respect, not guilt. You don’t owe your job endless emotional labour.
You owe yourself honesty, rest, and the courage to leave when the cost becomes too high.
